Man, Did I Pick the Wrong Fucking Team!

Bears. What the hell? Everyone in Nashvegas is playing with themselves because Payton played for UT. Well, screw this one-horse town (no pun intended). The Bears should have taken it all, damn it!

I Think the NFL, with all its forgiveness (Tank) and charity (Big Brothers) should spend the money on special footballs that a young, inexperienced QB can grip in the rain. I mean, C'MON! Did anyone else see the ONE GUY on the sidelines who made sure Payton threw a dry ball (no pun intended) every time? I sure as hell did. Total Bullshit.

I hate picking second-bests. The money is no big deal...it's the shit I put up with for five hours after the game because I was the only Bears fan at the F'n party that I despise. Not only do I get crap BEFORE the game because I have chosen a misunerstood career (Block Heads think all writers are emotional misfits), but to have my ass handed to me AFTER the game...let's just say the impromtu wrestling match at one-in-the-morning brought my 335 lbs. body some SERIOUS satisfaction. Yea, say "uncle," bitch!

Hope everyone enjoyed the commercials as much as I did. And what about Prince? You go, Big Daddy. The eighties will forever rock! Oh, yes. All you Colts fans...congrats, but LICK MY BALLS!

Short Stories Can Kick Some Ass Too!

One of my visitors, Rinda Elliott (aka The Write Snark: http://relliott4.wordpress.com/), brought up the issue of voice, which is an ongoing issue for even the most fluent writers. I sent out a few e-mails to find some answers, and received one that I thought was brilliant.

This author told me that when she is feelilng like her voice is becoming cloudy, she will write no less than five short stories, usually based on characters from the novel she is working on. She said the beauty with writing short stories (four to ten pages in length) is there is no room for "fluff." It is, "make one good point, and make it quick. This will reinforce your voice, especially if you are staying consistent from story to story. If not, find the spots where it drifts and write them again, paying attention to consistency."

Thanks to M. for the tip, and if any of you write a short story or five, please post them here. (I promise not to add any critique.)

Work Hard Today

I have a full plate today, as I am sure many of y'all do. I hope you have a productive day, and write something spectacular. Even if it's just a sentence or two. Write something that makes you proud of yourself.

More bloggin' fun tomorrow (if I get this ms done!).

Some Word Usage For Ya...

All righty, then. I am going to begin a little series on word usage, which is an issue I come across often with my editing. I will keep this going with new words regularily, so keep checking back. Don't forget--this is based on the house style I employ. Your publisher may wish you to use their house style, which you should always do.

1. About or approximately. Try to use about. Approximately is usually for the sciences, such as: "Approximately fifteen expressions can be identified from the equation."

2. Adequate; sufficient; enough. Adequate when referring to the suitability of something in a specific situation: "He gave an adequate response to the question." Sufficient when referring to an amount: "He provided sufficient information" or "There is sufficient wine for the party." Enough modifies mass nouns: "there is enough air to breath" or count nouns: "There are enough nails to finish the project."

3. Affect or effect. Usually a verb, affect means to influence or have an effect on: "Her argument affected his decision." Effect is usually a noun and refers to an outcome or result: "Her argument had no effect." Effect can also function as a verb meaning to produce or make happen: "She wanted to effect a change in his decision."

4.All right is two words, not alright.

5. Anxious means "worried, distressed." Do not use it to say eager, which means "having keen desire or longing."

6. Anywhere or any place. Anywhere is general: "Those kids could be anywhere." Any place is more focused when you mean "any location": "They looked for any place to hide." Don't use anyplace.

7. As far as. Too many words. Compare as far as love is concerned, we all want it with as for love, we all want it.

8. As to. Only at the beginning of a sentence: "As to the letter, he knew exactly where it came from." Other wise use about: "He gave an answer about where the letter came from."

9. As yet or as of yet. Too formal and redundant: "She has not arrived as of yet." Try yet, still, or so far: "She still has not arrived" or "She has not arrived yet."

10. Awhile or a while. Chicago Manual of Style, fifteenth edition says: "The one-word version is adverbial {let's stop here awhile}. The two-word version is a noun phrase that follows the preposition for or in {she worked for a while before beginning graduate studies}."

I hope this helps. More to come.

Get Sophisticated, and Enjoy the High Life

Like “voice,” sophistication is something that can give your writing a professional touch, and set it apart from the masses (hopefully enticing people to buy it!). Take a look at the following sentence:

As Sabrina let her bra fall to the floor, she turned to face me.

Or what about this version:

Letting her bra fall to the floor, Sabrina turned to face me.

Both are correct grammatically and let the reader know what is happening in a clear way. But by writing the action of Sabrina’s bra falling to the floor as a dependent clause, the emphasis of action is placed on Sabrina turning to face someone. If the reason Sabrina is removing her bra is one of a sexual or seductive nature, the versions above remove the reader from that detail a degree or two. Taking off an undergarment is in itself erotic, and should be given equal attention:

Sabrina let her bra fall to the floor and turned to face me.

The as and –ing constructions can also make a reader say, “what?”:

Quickly fixing my hair, I answered the door.

How can someone fix their hair and open a door at the same time? How about:

I quickly fixed my hair and answered the door.

Doesn't this last version sound a little more, well, sophisticated?

Another way to add sophistication to your writing is to get rid of those damn clichés! For the love of God, won’t you? You should drop them like a bad habit! Remember, no guts, no glory. Not turning to clichés in your writing is hard, but if at first you don’t succeed, try try again.

Don’t create the waitress at the diner your protagonist is eating at to have the name “Flo” and use the word “hon” all the time. Don’t have your grandmothers be sweet little old ladies who bake cookies all day long and always have just the right thing to say. Instead of a boss who is loathed because he/she is a control freak who makes his/her employees work like dogs (Damn, a cliché!), have he/she depressed from a failing love relationship and constantly asking his/her employees for advice and/or wanting to spend time with them on a personal basis.

The final issue I will discuss here is one that I am guilty of all the time. It is the overuse of swearing or profanity. I write like I talk (as you may have picked up from my blogs), and when I am angry I tend to use a lot of swearing. However, it only takes one or two well-placed profanities to help your reader understand the effect you are going for. Even a hardened Italian mafia dude doesn’t need to say, “Fuck you, Joey!” every other sentence to get the point across.

Oh, yeah—sex scenes. This is one more that drives me fuc--oops, better follow my own advice--crazy. Let me just say that readers like to use their imaginations, especially on something exciting like a sex scene. I have said before that readers are a sharp bunch and the quickest way to bore them is to take away their imaginations. No two people enjoy sex the same way, so let each reader use his or her own ideas to “see” the scene. The less physical detail you reveal, the better. Be subtle. Not everyone has to sweat to have passionate sex.

Hope this helps, and more to come.

Clearing the Head is a Good Thing

Well, this was the view from my room at a certain lake in Kentucky I visited this holiday weekend. It rained the whole time, except for an hour or so at sunset. The room had a private patio to sit on, and the temperature was an unseasonable seventy degrees. It was so nice to sit, play a little geetar, and clear my thoughts. I feel better. I feel relaxed. I feel warm and fuzzy. (That last one is bullshit.)

I hope everyone is having a nice MLK day. I am working on a blog for you writers concerning sophistication, which is a companion to voice (see: "Finding Your Voice and How to Use It" in my blog archive), so check back for some tidbits of truth.

Go Read These Blogs

This a cool blog by a fellow Nashville cat. Her blog is called Nik Cubed. Yes, her name is Nik...duh!

This is one of my regular morning stops. Nik is a real talent, and her blog is full of witticisms and honest explorations of a writer trapped in the body of a working mother. She is destined to be famous soon, and won't have time for blogging like the rest of us proletariats, so check her out now while you still can. Here is her link:

http://nikcubed.blogspot.com/

Another great place is the Write Snark. This Oklahoma writer is super creative and has a lot going on. Her blogs are inspirational, as (like Nik) she is brutally honest about her trials and tribulations. She has a market place to buy some cool writer-friendly merch, and is running a writing competition as this is being written.

Here is her link:

http://relliott4.wordpress.com/

I have a few more places I tend to lurk around at, and I will post them later. For now, go visit these two fellow ink slingers and enjoy some fresh perspectives on our crazy creativity.

Have a productive day.

@!#?!

One broken editing pencil: $1.25

Fifteen Starbucks coffees: $60.00

Ten pints of Jack Daniels: $100.00

Deciding to bid this project
by the hour: PRICELESS!

Nailing the Defensive Writer

C'mon, guys! It's only the second day of the new year, and the demons of insecurity and arrogance are already causing havoc in my world of analytical creativity. I'll let you in on a little secret, though...this year, I am going to kick their impish asses!

I returned from holiday vacation to find nine e-mails from writers interested in having me work on their manuscripts, which is always a nice thing to come home to since you know I LOVE my work. Really. No sarcasm, I promise. All but two of the manuscripts were pretty tight mechanically, but all nine needed help with exposition and voice, those common oversights we writers tend to always commit.

Well, I spent most of New Year's Eve day (yes, I am truly addicted to my work) redlining the first two, and e-mailed them back before heading out for a little imbibing. After tending to my hangover the next morning, I opened my e-mail to find them--those two little bastards from hell--reminding me that I am viewed as the enemy of creativity...the killjoy of writing...the grim reaper of musings. What ever!

Writers, listen up: EDITORS ARE YOUR GREATES ALLIES IN TAKING YOUR WRITING TO THE MASSES! Yeah, we suffer from the "God Complex" from time to time, but who in the hell wants someone working their manuscript who can't make a solid decision? Remember, readers are an intelligent group of people, and insulting them with poor writing will kill your career before it ever begins.

Long story short, I have booked both writers after several reassuring e-mails that my first goal was to help them create a marketable manuscript, and not to hijack their stories. I don't mind the extra effort, but it still baffles me how much I sometimes feel like a doctor telling a family that their loved one didn't make it.

I am excited about 2007. I think the world is going to become a better place this year, and I hope to be a tiny part of that process. I am thankful I make a living doing what I love, and when a writer wants me to work on a second project, it lets me know I am heading in the right direction.

Thanks for letting me vent. I would love to hear what you have to say, whatever that may be. Write on, writers...right on!